Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
