i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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