what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
