i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
