hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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