i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
