my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
