Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Randomize
