MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
