butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
