No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
