You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I love you. Go after that dick
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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