some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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