who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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