Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
