I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
