That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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