omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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