Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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