grandma shit on top of the toilet
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He kissed a someone with a penis
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
