he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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