I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
