Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
farters have to be the big spoon...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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