Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
