Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
