My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
