capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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