hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
