Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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