and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
