My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
