its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
