I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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