Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
