so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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