are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We are all done wearing pants today
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
