So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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