If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
the raccoons are back...
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