someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
