GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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