I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
