Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We smell like vodka and hangover
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