i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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