I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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