somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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