An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
