my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
