I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Randomize
