his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My dick has a subreddit
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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