Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
