you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you would pick up someone in the library
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
