As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
