woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
