I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
