So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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