ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
