just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
you made out with another girl for some wings
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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