so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
